How much joy can you stand? For some people, feeling happy–or allowing themselves to feel happy–is a learned skill like lots of other things. Some of us have the creepy notion that joy has to be earned, or is undeserved and belongs only to others. NOT TRUE. Joy is our basic nature, I believe. Learning to feel good is a simple matter of noticing, not rejecting what’s charming, darling, warm and fuzzy, cool, etc., and breathing into the good stuff. I think it also is worthwhile to seek out beauty and let it feed you. Your eyes seek out the sunset and go “AAAHHH” and you let yourself be fully present to that moment by connecting with your breath, experiencing where in your body the good stuff is manifesting, and realizing you are happy! Try it, you’ll like it. If you’re already doing it, good for you! Please tell us your secrets. And all of us really should be looking for the miracles. xox.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run With the Wolves, says we have to live a hand-crafted life. Yes! Today I’m thinking about buttons. I love buttons. I have tons of buttons from my mother, her mother, and my mother-in-law. I need to play this weekend, so I’m thinking I might pull out some buttons and try a button craft. My inner child loves to make things. What does this have to do with living safe and sane? Everything! It’s about self-nurture, self-expression and even–gasp!–fun! Not everybody’s idea of fun, for sure. But I can be so grim and earnest sometimes. Time to push some buttons! Stay tuned–I’m going to try to make a necklace and if I get really motivated maybe I’ll upload a photo for everyone to see. Just for today, my job is to remember that the order of the universe is God, self, others, things. And sometimes a good way to feel HP moving is to make something pretty!

So many people struggle so much. I did too when I was trying to stop binge eating, stop eating toxic substances (the ingredients of my binge foods–sugar wheat and flour, along with fats), and lose weight. A friend told me something that made all the difference. When it gets away, just reel it in. If I had a binge, I’d just start over and have a normal meal at the next normal meal time. It’s the starting over that matters the most. We never get it. There’s no it to get. There’s just trying, failing, trying, failing, trying, succeeding. If we keep an open mind, give and take the love that’s all around us and in us, and keep on trying, we have to suceed. It’s hard, but it can be done. Really!

Early on in my recovery from food addiction, a mentor would walk me back through what my crazy-mind had been saying just before I ate stuff I shouldn’t have. Each time we did that–and we did it a lot of times before my food got really cleaned up–I had an earlier sense of when the nudge-brain was taking over. You know, the one that says, “This time it’ll be different,” or, “Just this once,” or, “You deserve this.” Fast forward a few years. Today I made a couple of little bloopers while driving. No one was hurt and nothing was damaged. Olden days I would have beat myself up for the near-misses. But instead I just breathed and watched the negative thoughts bloom–and because I only watched and didn’t glom onto them and add thoughts and let the thoughts sprout more thoughts, they passed. I had a moment of nervousness–appropriate when you almost back into someone–but then it passed. Being present–not running way, not making it worse–is what made the difference. And I was able to go about my day as cheerful as I had been before the near-miss. Whew! Miracle!

Today feels like it could go either way. My monkey mind decided not to like my outfit and to hammer me all day with how uncool or whatever I look. That, my God-mind tells me, is a triviality compared to my mental health. My spiritual intention is to stay present in the felt-sense of God energy, which finally came to me during my commute after much journaling and pleading and chanting (on my walk from Penn) and a bit of listening, too. I’m very tired and head achey, so I’m also mindful that self compassion is desirable in place of self-pity, not self-punishment, which is where my inner saboteur takes me any time things don’t go the way my ego wants them to. Some mantras for the day (I like to rotate them): “Just this,” and “God Orderly Direction.”

Lastly, I would love to hear your comments and experiences, and please do forward the link to anyone you think might be interested.

This morning I opened one of my daily meditation books, Affirmations for Artists by Eric Maisel and the reading was about accepting limits, realizing we can do a whole lot within them. Ouch! I realized that perfectionism is the limit that restricts me from exploring the edges of my real limits—even testing them and maybe pushing them. Perfectionism is a limit that restricts and constricts. Its greatest weapon is fear—fear of failure. That fear is fueled, supported, enforced by shame and exaggeration of the possible consequences of a mistake (which in turn includes exaggerating the importance of my actions to another and underestimates the human capacity, need and desire to forgive). For today, I’ll trust in my higher power to give me the integrity to explore my gifts bravely. And to give me the courage, should I mess up, to graciously make the appropriate amends and move on.

Whoa. Today I was up, down, all around. Now I know that’s life on life’s terms. Serenity is something that lives deep inside, below happiness or sadness. It’s knowing that I’ll be fine no matter what, even when I feel like crap. The more I pause through out the day whenever I do feel the kindness, love and generosity around me, the more of it I feel. Last night a friend told me something really smart that she does (and she learned it from a friend). Every hour on the hour, pause and connect with your higher power. Just a minute or two. I meant to do it today and, whoops!, forgot. Human nature being what it is and all.
Question for the day: Who loves you? Never forget!

Perfectionism is a character defect that’s taking its time leaving, much as I try to keep asking my higher power to lift it, much as I feel really, really ready to let it go. In God’s time, not mine, that’s the answer. Then, just act as if the defect is gone. Meaning, forgive myself for my missteps and bloopers, large and small, make amends if necessary, and move on to the next right thing. The only fatal mistakes are fatal mistakes, right? Besides, I’d be insufferable if I were perfect. Often it’s our weakness that draw others to us, and open us to others.

Here’s how I eat, 365 days a year (because diets are something you go on to go off; for me, recovery means taking good care of me every single day, even when it’s hard):

Because sugar, wheat and flour (anything ground to a powder is flour) are toxic to me–once I start I can’t stop–I never, ever eat them. This is abstinence for me the way never, ever taking in alcohol is sobriety for the recovering alcoholic. That takes care of my food addiction. I follow the following food plan so I don’t binge on abstinent food and to keep my body weight correct.

Breakfast:
1 cup whole non-wheat grain (oatmeal; grits; kasha; etc; measured after cooking)
1 cup dairy (yogurt; unsweetened soy milk; skim milk)
4 oz protein (fish and white meat chicken or turkey are best; if you must eat heavier with dark poultry meat or red meat, do so no more than 3 times a week; two eggs will also do—two whites equals one whole egg)
1 fruit (a cup of berries, ½ a medium cantaloupe, a 6 oz apple, orange, or pear, etc; avoid bananas, grapes, cherries and exotic fruits; they’re too sweet)
1tsp oil (olive; cooking)

Lunch:
1 cup raw vegetable (lettuce; carrots; tomatoes, etc)
1 cup cooked vegetable (string beans, broccoli, asparagus, etc.)
3 oz protein (fish, chicken, etc) or 1 cup beans or lentils
2 tsps oil (there are a few brands of salad dressing that don’t include sugar; use 4 tsp)

Dinner:
1 cup raw vegetable
1 cup cooked vegetable
3 oz protein
2 tsps oil
1 cup grain (same as breakfast; or ½ cup starchy vegetable such as peas or winter squash; 8 oz white or sweet potato)

Metabolic adjustment:
1 cup dairy or 2 oz protein
1 fruit

Use small amounts (a tablespoon or less each) of spices and sugar-free condiments such as mustard. Don’t eat anything not mentioned on the food plan, especially cheese or nuts which are binge foods for most overeaters and are calorie-monsters as well. Space meals no fewer than four hours apart and no more than six hours apart. Try not to eat the same food more than three times a week. Never let yourself get ravenously hungry. If you have low blood sugar, at first you may need to divide up your meals and eat every three hours. Never eat a carbohydrate (grain) or fruit without a protein to balance it out. (And vice versa.) If you’re not sure about a food or a certain practice, skip it until you can consult with a knowledgeable source from your support system. Be sure to drink lots of water; sometimes we think we feel hungry when in fact we are thirsty.

This food plan was adapted from Food Addicts Anonymous, www.foodaddictsanonymous.org/foodplan.htm. If you visit there web site or go to their meetings, you’ll learn lots of useful stuff about food addiction.