Joblessness has its advantages. When I can set aside for a time the alarming lack of income, there is (or was) the spaciousness of a summer morning in the backyard gazebo meditating, reading, journaling and talking quietly on the phone to soul siblings. But then there are the days, and nights, of bleakness and desolation. Will I ever be restored to what I consider my proper place in contribution/income flow? Are the random connections and creations I make here and there sufficient? Is it really true that the universe will provide, that abundance is mine to claim?

It’s been a long, hard day. My only comfort, frankly, has been certainty that discomfort and groundlessness must be accepted for sanity’s sake. And so I bumble along, counting my blessings, including all those people who, in so many ways, make it known that they wish me well. And I remind myself that the antidote to self-pity is helping another. The tricky part is to do that without abandoning myself.

I miss my friend Karen, who died in June 2011, desperately. When that soreness comes on strong, I invoke the feeling of warmth, joy and acceptance I had when I was in her presence, and try to open up my cells to receive that love as real this very moment. I often do this at night, then  go to sleep intent on dreaming my way into a new day where I can begin anew. As long as I stay present to the downs as well as the ups, as long as I stay real, parts of my life may not make much sense to me. But it will be the best it can be. And who knows? I may wake up tomorrow in a blessed state of grace.

Chainsaws are dangerous. But properly used, they sure get the job done.

You don’t have to be afraid. It just seems that way sometimes, from old habits of thinking, brain circuitry hard-wired by trauma, or the mistaken idea that if we just keep ourselves clenched and contracted against assaults, incursions and intrusions, we’ll be protected from them.

Some fear is necessary, of course. It warns us. It’s a message from our Inner Protector to be alert and aware and ready to take corrective action. Maybe we need to set a boundary for a toxic person, speed up when a truck comes bearing down on us on the highway, or grab the handrail so we don’t stumble on the stairs. But that’s fear of the moment, specific and clearly connected to something actually happening in the here and now.

What’s deadly is unreasonable fear, the anxiety that is not based in here-and-now facts. It’s taken me all of my adult life to acquire some skills that help me feel less afraid, less hampered by anxieties and worries, and—this is key—more alive. Here’s a quick list of what I’ve learned:

1. You can run but you can’t hide. Using food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, etc, to run away from yourself and your feelings is only mildly and temporarily successful at best. What’s eating you will keep eating you even when you push it down and pretend it’s not there.

2. Living without running away is painful, possible and ultimately more rewarding than you can imagine.  But you have to hang in there through sorrow and desolation as well as fear. You may have to look at some ugly stuff.

3. Fear is just a feeling. Feelings are not facts. They’re a kind of energy. They will flow through us like electricity through a wire if we don’t grab onto them, work them up, stress about  them or make them our pets. Feelings are not dangerous; resisting them is. As the peer-to-pear self-help group Recovery, Inc. teaches, feelings will rise and fall of their own accord if we don’t attach danger to them.

4. We have to stay grounded in the present. It is impossible to overstate the importance of this. I connect with my senses when I feel a fear hijack coming on. Mindfulness meditation, where you sit quietly and keep coming back to your breath when your mind runs away with you, is great training for this.

5. The pros are there to help. I’ve been in therapy pretty much all my adult life. A good therapist is a thing of joy forever. Ditto a good spiritual counselor or director. Mental and spiritual health have to be our priority or nothing else will work.

6. The body knows. Exercise, massage, just dancing in the kitchen, these all move the energy out and around. Self-care isn’t just nice; it’s mandatory, as vital as showing up for work, not biting off the kids’ heads or paying bills.

7. Love is the answer. When we bring ourselves back to a felt-sense that we are loved, fear vanishes. I have to make this choice hundreds of times some days. When the demons are about to attack, I think of a person or situation where I felt loved, and I bring back not so much the mind memory as the actual feeling in my body. I go to that place and try to revel in the goodness that’s much truer than any terrifying tale the inner saboteur is trying to tell me.

8. Miracles are everywhere. When we look for them, when we come back to our sense of wonder at creation, we connect with the Infinite, which has all our answers.

Years ago a dear friend and co-worker came in one morning and came unraveled. “This weekend,” she said, “I realized I have never, ever felt safe. Ever.” Sadly, that’s lots of folks’ story, these days more than ever. So many fractured souls! Money, illness, war, conflict, confusion. Family of origin issues. Current family estrangements. Loss, betrayal, heartbreak.

But miracles are possible if we keep ourselves in fit spiritual condition, whatever that means to you. Here’s my most recent miracle. It’s very earthbound, but with profound spiritual implications:

I’ve always been a very tense driver. I had an accident as a teen that scared and shamed me to death, and then didn’t get my license until I was 33 when suburban family living absolutely demanded it. But I have avoided highway driving, and driving to strange places, like the plague.

Until last Tuesday. I had to both get on a mega highway AND find my way somewhere strange. The only way out, as they say, was through. Nobody could do this for me. Life demanded it. And guess what? I found that: ALL THE FEAR HAD LIFTED. GONE. POOF! DRIVING WAS JUST DRIVING. FEAR WAS JUST A WARNING. IF THERE’S TRUCK ON YOUR TAIL, TAKE ACTION. THAT’S IT. PERIOD.

I got where I was going and called my husband and two friends to announce this amazing development. Then reflected on its genesis: Decades of stubborn attention to learning how to live in the moment, unmedicated but with lovingkindness, has yielded this amazing result. We’re talking therapy, 12-step programs, Recovery, Incorporated. Hours and hours on on the telephone with friends. Hours and hours more face to face hashing and thrashing things out. Prayer. Meditation. Exercise. Eating right. Etc., etc. All of the above.

Chance, they say, favors the prepared mind. And centeredness, where you don’t lose yourself no matter what, I would add, favors the prepared soul. I can’t force myself to be braver than I am, in any given moment. I’m over being cruel to myself that way. We all have limits. But I sure can do a whole lot to lay the groundwork. And, trust me, it begins with humble adherence to self-compassion and self-nurture. Where it will end, nobody knows. But the road does seem to be getting a little smoother.