Monthly Archives: December 2012

What’s Wrong with Consistency?

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Tis the season to be who you are, as you are.

Did you know that it is okay to be inconsistent! I didn’t. Wow! It’s okay to not be and feel the same all the time! I don’t have to be a rock. I can be water! Who knew?

Just this morning a friend said, “I have given myself permission to be cyclical.”

Bingo! Here was an answer to a prayer and a struggle I’ve been having for ages. I’ve been confounded and more than a little annoyed by how changeable I can be from one day or even one moment to the next. I amaze myself sometimes by thinking something’s a good idea, then, the next day, waking up and thinking it’s a bad idea. And then thinking, “What was I thinking? How can you be such a flibbertigibbet?”

I’ve been baffled by how I can be so productive one day, a big mush the next. What’s up with that?

Well, if I go by this new idea that I’m allowed to be cyclical, all I need to know is that, um, I was thinking one thing one day and another thing the next. Or, some days I’m more productive than others. Case closed. (Or, if there needs to be resolution, prayer, meditation, journaling and consultation with others can bring me to where I need to be. But during the process, it’s okay to cycle through different feelings and points of view.)

For the longest time, I thought the way to be my best in the world was to be the same every day. I have learned to adore discipline in some areas, but I could never understand why I was all over the place in other areas.

There are some things in my life that cannot vary, like the way I eat and exercise, or whether I am committed to being the peace I want to see in the world, or whether I’m loyal to friends and family. But for a lot of stuff, it’s just not possible to be the same every day, and I was making myself nuts trying.

New POV: It’s not a question of inconsistency. It’s a question of cycles.

It’s not, as I feared, that I don’t know who I am or that I’m indecisive or too moody. It’s that sometimes I feel one way, sometimes another. Sometimes there’s a full moon, sometimes there’s a quarter moon. Sometimes it’s day, sometimes it’s night. Sometimes I’m in the mood to be with people, sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I have energy, sometimes I’m tired. It’s all me.

To everything, there is a season, in other words. Even me and my moods, energy levels, likes and dislikes, opinions and what have you.

Sheesh. That’s a relief. Okay, cycling off for now. Love you! Hugs! Happy New Year!

 

 

Remember Who Loves You!

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In which a love-seeker daringly takes her own good advice.

Whenever a family member or friend is feeling all beleaguered, stressed and overwhelmed—particularly by difficult people—I always like to send him or her off with this direction: “Remember who loves you!” These are the words I call it out to family members as they leave for work. I say them as counsel to friends who’ve been confiding their troubles. I even jot them on notes of encouragement that I pop in the mail.

I’m thinking about this now as I try, once again, to come to terms with the slow progress of my current personal reinvention. It seems to me that it is taking a very, very long time to emerge from my chrysalis. I am ready to flap my wings. That I’m still in transition to finding my next job, well, let’s just say I am not pleased. I want to know what my next right work is going to look like. I want a job. A clear job with a mission and a purpose and a fair income. Impatient? That’s my middle name.

Here’s the thing: I have this book manuscript—The Hungry Ghost: How I Ditched 100 Pounds and Came Fully Alive. And though I’ve been a professional writer and editor for decades, this work is so close to my heart that I’m having trouble putting it out there in the world. To do that, well, it feels kind of like sending a two-year-old off to kindergarten. “I’m not ready,” says the little girl. “You can’t make me!”

The crux of the matter isn’t that I don’t believe in the book. I do. It’s good. And it  feels like it was given to me to give to people like me who every day battle all the indignities of food addiction, compulsive overeating and obesity.

I’m not sure what the problem is. Maybe it’s that I hate criticism. Not so much for my writing. I’ve faced that before. It’s criticism of me and what I believe that I fear. I’m also scared of living large—inviting the whole world to know my story.

I don’t know what’s going on. I do know that the difficult person I’m dealing with at the moment is, you got it, myself!

Because the fact of the matter is, maybe the timing just isn’t right. You know, in God’s time not mine and all that.

So why give myself a hard time? Maybe I should remember who loves me. Lean into the love. Remember a love-saturated moment and recall the feeling I had and summon it up. Absorb. Slow down. Feel it. Take it in.

What do you think? Couldn’t hurt, right? Okay. Right now. Let’s all take a slow, deep breath and remember who loves us!