Monthly Archives: November 2012

Thanksgiving Locusts

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Some folks DO grown their own food. These lovely wee eggs were a gorgeous gift from my niece, Cathie Searles. That woman knows how to harvest!

I’m not sure, but for a while there, it looks like I was in danger of losing my mind. I do know that I was in Shoprite supermarket this past Sunday (just to pick up my free turkey). On Monday I was in Foodtown, doing my regular shopping and picking up the free turkey I earned there (free food is free food; if you want to know how to get away with serving turkey five ways in seven days, LMK). Today, Tuesday, I was in Whole Foods because they have the best prices on soy milk and tofu—staples for the two vegetarians in my house—and I was out of both.

I don’t need to tell you that all three places were nuts. Crowded. Intense. Thanksgiving is nearly upon us! In order to be grateful we must shop ferociously! Yikes!

I hate crowds. I hate shopping. Three stores in three days! Triple nuts!

This is also gratitude week. So, yes, I’m mad grateful that I can easily get as much delicious, gorgeous food as my family needs (and then some).

However, I was not having fun that first day shopping. Did I mention I hate crowds and shopping? There I was in Shoprite, gritting my teeth and trying to be in a thankful state of mind when I had a flash of inspiration: What if I looked at the crowds not as a plague of pesky, aisle-clogging locusts but as a team of my fellows engaging in a Harvest Festival?

After all, Thanksgiving happens in the fall for a reason. The original one, so the story goes, was a celebration of the season’s abundance. In the burbs here, we mostly don’t grow and harvest our own crops. But we do go out to the store to secure provisions for our fall feast.

So I tried on this new Harvest Festival idea. And Dear Reader, it worked! When I looked at the other shoppers not as obstacles to my progress but as fellow harvesters, all of us together gathering supplies to nourish our beloved families, I was able to chill, get what I needed, and get out of there! I’m pretty sure, too, that I actually smiled at a few people.

The changed perspective worked in the next two stores as well. Eureka!

I can’t honestly say I enjoyed myself. But I did manage to retain my sanity and my dignity. Now there’s something to be grateful for.

No, I didn’t my mind. This is how I know for sure: I most definitely will not be indulging in any black Friday rituals. I don’t want to push my luck.

Happy Thanksgiving!

3 Myths About Weight Loss

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Embrace your colors!

November 2012 marks 19 years since I found the solution to my obesity and my food obsession. Effective this month I have been abstinent for 19 years from sugar, wheat and flour. I also weigh and measure all my meals (except in restaurants where I order carefully and moderately). One day at a time I’m maintaining a 100-pound weight loss.

It’s a miracle, for sure. To celebrate, I want to expose three myths about food and weight and recovery from obesity.

Myth #1: Relapse is inevitable. No, it’s not. Sometimes in addiction circles you hear that relapse is part of recovery. My take: Relapse happens. But it doesn’t have to and it’s not required. That we can learn from relapse, sure. With any degree of grace, we learn from any and every painful thing that happens. But there’s no need to set ourselves up for the pain. I worry that thinking relapse is inevitable makes folks relax their guard and lighten up on the hard work of recovery. Not wanting to do what it takes to make a good life, that’s human nature. Nobody is gung-ho all the time. But we don’t have to sink down into the I-don’t-wannas. We can rise above, recoup our commitment to our best interest and move back into doing those things we know keep us healthy and sane.

Myth #2: You shouldn’t deprive yourself. There are certain false truths that get repeated over and over in the popular media coverage of weight loss. The biggest one is, “Don’t give up something totally. Eventually it’ll come around to bite you double-time.” I know what they’re trying to say. They don’t want you to be a martyr to the weight loss cause. They don’t want you holding your breath waiting for that croissant at the end of the rainbow. Let’s be careful here what we call deprivation, though. There are a lot of us who truly have a biochemical sensitivity to certain foods—and the only way to be free is to give them up totally. By God’s grace, I have not had one speck of sugar, wheat and flour in 19 years. Am I deprived? Are you kidding? I have been liberated! Do you truly want to be at the beck and call of a cookie? If you start eating something and then can’t stop, doesn’t it make sense never to start? You only have to do this one day at a time. Don’t give it up, promising you’ll have it one day. Give it up promising yourself it’s just for today. (After all, today is all anyone has, right?) That’s how I made 19 years.

Myth #3: Just eat less and move more. That’s only two-thirds of the truth. What works for long-term recovery is, eat less, move more, believe in something or someone greater than yourself. If we give up things (kinds and quantities of food we think we need or love) without replacing them with healthy things (a power greater than ourselves), we set ourselves up for a fall. We have to nurture our inner life, our spiritual side, our soul, to grow in health. I struggled with this higher power stuff for a long time. But gradually over the years I have found a higher power, through observing the joys of nature, feeling the power of connection with people I love and respect, through reading ancient and modern texts written by those who’ve had these struggles before me. When I feel depleted, instead of reaching for something of the world, I can fill myself up with spiritual sustenance. Prayer. Meditation. Readings. Writings. Journaling. Connecting with others. Yes, I must eat right. Yes, I must exercise. And yes, I must build spiritual muscle.

Spiritual Lessons from Sandy

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Spin me around in a hurricane, and I am going to have, as they say, “issues.”

As in, everything is a learning experience.

The hurricane itself barely affected me, relative to those who lost loved ones, homes, or important belonging. Yes, my family endured five cold, dark days without power in our New Jersey home. And still, we’re dealing with gas lines, minor food shortages and, sometimes, short tempers.

But Sandy did hit me where I live—in the safety bone. Safety is a big deal for me. Always has been. A bumpy childhood will do that to you. Minus heat and light and hot water and my normal routines, minus the sense that all was well in my community, I went a little off center. I wasn’t surprised—you can’t be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation, after all—but I did know I was going to have some work to do.

At the end of our Sandy Week, when the power came on—light! heat! hot water!—I sat still and quiet with how discombobulated I’d been. How attached to my material comforts. How unhinged to have them taken away.

I sat, and ever-so-gently breathed down into all that fear and confusion. That in turn took me to places where there were still the bits and pieces of wounds, places where other people had hurt me.

And while I was there in that place I asked, “How can I protect myself?”

What is required, my viscera informed me, is absolute reliance on the power greater than myself that lives in me, as me.

“But how do I do that?” was the next question. “What does reliance on a higher power, and not things of the world, what does that look and feel like?” Extreme self-nurture, was the answer. Radical self-love. Recognizing that I need to forgive myself for being vulnerable, and forgive others for their own frailties. Lean on myself more, things and other people’s opinions, less.

There was more: Honor my inner light by sharing my experience, strength and hope. Take good care of my body and mind. Give and receive love in everyday actions, small and large. Prayer time, and meditation, too.

I wish it were easier. I really do. But there it is. Breathing in, breathing out. Building my spiritual muscles. Taking life on life’s terms, just for today. That’s where the safety is.

Truthfully, I’m not all that excited about my options. I’m addicted to guarantees, sunshine and happy endings.

But this ever-deepening reliance on a higher power, well, if that’s where it’s at, count me in! You?