A friend gave me a wonderful piece of advice: She suggested I try a 21 day spending fast, where I buy only what I need. Because I am so sick of worrying about money, I decided to give it a try. What a liberation! In some really deep way, my commitment to asking myself, “Do I really need this?” slows me down to make mindful decisions about what I’m about to do, whether it’s put a dollar in the subway musicians basket, spend 7.99 on a salmon fillet or go away for a weekend in Cape May. Slowing down to discern whether I’m experiencing a need rather than a want allows me to feel more deeply that my needs are being met. Repeatedly discerning a need, then saying “yes” to it is so powerful! It overrides any sense of rebellion about not going for what I want. It also means that I’m seeing the freedom of not thinking the answer to all my problems is more, more more. I have enough, I do enough, I am enough! Such a simple exercise. So powerful! I’m going to keep doing it. The mental clarity is such a grace!

I think the compulsive overeater/food addict’s deepest terror, the nothing’s-ever-enough panic, is fueled by a horrible sense of deprivation, that she’ll never get what she needs. Very primal; probably related both to how we were born–a tendency to self-medicate–and how we were treated–raised by wounded people who hadn’t had their own needs met and who didn’t know how to meet ours. When we understand how to get our needs met, the terror subsides, and we can have a happy, useful life.