Freedom is wanting what you need.

Say what? First time I heard this saying, I thought, Whoa, now this is getting scary. But I thought about it some more. And some more.

Then I put it away for awhile and let it season. Meanwhile, I continued my usual clunky, woefully imperfect prayer and meditation practices.

And lo and behold I began to see the simple wisdom of aligning myself with all that’s good in the universe, then going ahead and doing what my own personal desire was telling me.

It’s simple, really. If I am living in the light, what I want will be what’s best for all.

Years ago I had a spiritual director, Kathy Duffy. I was having such a hard time. Could not see, feel or experience God, try as I might. I could sometimes take in miracles around me, and I knew enough to make a gratitude list whenever I was in a funk.

But I just wasn’t sure where this personal higher power I’d been hearing about was. I knew it was not some bearded white guy in a robe in the sky. (That had to be a notion invented by bearded white guys. Seriously. If God was any kind of guy at all, which seemed doubtful to me, he probably was a cool swarthy dude who looked more like my husband.) Kathy  explained that I am closest to God when I am most myself. As in, Gay-God, God-Gay.

Well, as my Dad would have said, how ‘bout them apples?

I experimented. Probably because I come from Puritan stock, or maybe because I still fear being sent to the principal’s office more than death itself, I didn’t go crazy. Which is good, because loving God and doing what you want does not mean a free-for-all.

What I learned is that I’ve got to keep checking in. Otherwise that other critter, the will, will take over. The Gay-Will, Will-Gay.  The one who says, let’s have lunch now, though it’s 10:30 in the morning and I have work to do.  The one who tells me it’s okay to stay up till all hours watching Tom Selleck in Jesse Stone on Netflix. The one who leaps before she looks and speaks before she thinks.  Nope. Gay-Will is just not an okay guide. She’s too connected to venal desires, not spiritual wants.

Instead, I have to keep going back to the source. I have to sustain the relationship with that part of myself that’s good and wise. Respect and hear her. That way, we’ll all sleep better at night.

Which means that today’s assignment, and I do choose to accept it, is to receive and give love. And then, go ahead and do what I want.

Make sense? What about you? How’s the whole God/will/wants thing working for you?