Love yourself ! I hear this non-stop from all the villagers allied to help me stay safe, sane and joyful. They’ve been telling me this for about a billion years.

And it’s good advice for someone chugging along toward ever-greater mental, emotional and physical good health. I have no quarrel with this wisdom. In pursuit of peace of mind, I worked hard to drop destructive behaviors like eating foods that are bad for me, shopping till the credit card wore out, mean-spirited gossiping, listening to bad advice, etc., etc.

I showed up and chanted “I love you, Gay. I love you, Gay,” just like a mentor taught me, even though it felt really weird. I gave myself real little hugs, took long soak-y baths, bought scented lotion and learned that “No” is a complete sentence. I began to to advocate for my own needs, exercise, manage money responsibly, and to make the haircut appointment well before the Do turns into a Don’t.

It worked, some. But oh, the mind-habit of negative self-talk was dying a slow, hard death. And it can bring you down into depression and defeatism in nothing flat.

I decided, based on the number of angry, resentful thoughts, that the next step was to do some hard-core forgiveness work. Sure folks have done me wrong. But do I want them living rent-free in my head as I ruminate? I think not. And I knew I also needed liberation from the grudges against myself. Sure I’ve made mistakes. But should I be punished forever? Nah.

For years, on and off, I’ve written and chanted the affirmation, “I forgive myself for hurting myself. I forgive myself for hurting others. I forgive others for hurting me.” It’s powerful, and I highly recommend it. As in, what you focus on tends to grow, and all.

Recently I’ve taken to working diligently with Belleruth Naparstek’s CD, “Anger and Forgiveness.”  After lunch, a rest with Belleruth’s guided imagery and affirmations is a thrice-weekly routine. Oh, the places we go! Way down into the deep hurt that was under that enormous pile of grudge. Stay with it, feel into it. Process it.

And into the mix came my spiritually focused peer support group. Last Saturday, because I was leading the meeting, I invited recovering folks to address the topic, “Anger, forgiveness and acceptance.” Wow! Did I get an earful.

For me the pivotal moment was when someone said, “When you forgive someone, that doesn’t mean you have to trust them.” Right. But the next question is, well, if I’m not going to trust people, who will I trust? God as I understand God is the obvious answer. But what does that actually mean, I thought.

Trust yourself! That was the answer! God lives in you as you, Liz Gilbert says in Eat. Pray. Love. Yes!

I accepted the challenge.

And since then, when the scared, anxious, defeatist, depressive thoughts rise, I’ve been relaxing my tense belly, dropping my tight shoulders and saying, “Trust yourself.” Wham! Away goes the nonsense about figuring out the “right” or “perfect” thing. I can be in me, as me!

Slipping out of that, into “trust yourself” makes things so simple.

Whew! That’s a load off. I can be trusted. I trust myself. Love is good. I love love. But trust, well, that’s a form of love in action, don’t you think?

Trust yourself. It really works. Trust me.